By Mohammad Alrotayyan
Translated by Maha Noor Elahi

(This is a translation of a poem by the amazing Saudi writer Mohammad Al-Rotayyan…It’s one the sincerest things I’ve read about Saudi Arabia!)

You can find the Arabic link here http://www.alrotayyan.com/articles.php?action=show&id=150

You will find some mistakes in the English version in the link provided and this is because I translated it instantly and it was posted on Al-Rotayyan’s website immediately after I had translated it….I also left one stanza without translation as I felt it might not be understood in other cultures)  

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My country is neither a palace, nor an oil well, nor is it a terrorist.
My country; open homes for unknown guests.
My country; gateways calling passers-by.

My country is neither a palace, nor an oil well, nor is it a terrorist.

My country; modest kind people,
Who open their doors to a stranger…a night visitor…
Prepare him a rich feast…grant him all his needs,
And then let him go… without a question posed.

In my country…annoying matters there are
And delightful pleasant ones,
Yet for me it remains, in spite of its roughness,
The noblest of Allah’s creations;
The most prominent land of all lands.

My country is not a salary at the end of the month;
It’s my treasure from the beginning of existence till the end.
My country is not a national anthem in an official event;

It’s my favorite song which I reiterate, memorize by heart,
And sway with the rhythm of its love.

My country; a prayer call that penetrates the sky
And soars in a space voyage
That all the NASA gears can never generate.

My country: the first Holy Mosque…
The purest soil on which one can pray.

My country is always so shy to say: “I love you”
Yet it makes you feel every sense of the word!

My country; coarse men of the grinding desert,
Who turn into tribes of sweet rivers…
Who turn into children
When they fall in love,
Seeking a remote resort
To release their tender tears
From the prisons of their eyes.

All those cement blocks will be a wreck
All those steel bars will rust
And the oil will dry one day,
But my country; people who never give way
Whose hearts don’t rust
And the springs of their souls never dry.

I’ll hold the flag
And shout at the ignorant world’s face:
My country is neither a palace, nor an oil well, nor is it a terrorist!

Every year….
Every September….

Every day….

May you remain….

My lover….my lady, and my country.

A resurrecting assassin you are!!

A vulnerable shell

You have attacked;

You have revived!

No weapon was needed…

Just a being who understands!

But tell me, love…

Why step forward

When you know

That you will withdraw?

Why invade the shell?

Why evolve its charm,

Its wildness, and its hell,

And then recall

What’s right and wrong?

Why open your heart,

Reveal your masks,

And then repent,

Or actually, pretend

To be someone else?

How can you elude

After assassinating a dull life,

And resurrecting a dead mind?

How can you escape from such a crime?

I just wonder…

Will you ever be able to obliterate the stains?

Will you ever be able to overcome your chains?

Too many roles you perform…

None of them fits your lost soul!

But the last one was the worst of all!

For after being the thief,

You’ve transformed

Into a rigid priest,

An illegitimate judge

That blames and condemns,

And looks from above

At the victim

With the eye of contempt!

In your unjust court of love,

You sentenced me

To an everlasting confusion!

Guilty, guilty, guilty as charged!

For committing love!

For burning from within!

January 12^th, 2006

Simple words, please!

Do we even know what these well-said sentences mean in daily life? Here are some tips that I like to call love and marriage ethics that the vows and regulations don’t explain. They are small details, but they matter a lot in a woman’s life.

Sometimes, guys treat their girls as their buddies…they treat them the way they treat other “guys”! And they think since it’s ok with the guys, it’s also ok with the girls! Well…that’s where all the problems start!

You’re not a cool guy nor a tough “manly” man if you don’t know what annoys girls…Living peacefully with your wife/fiancé starts by avoiding the things that drive women up the wall!

So here goes….

*Do you have a good sense of humor? If you’re involved in a relationship, think again before you crack a joke in the presence of your wife or fiancé. Studies have shown that women get annoyed by male-natured jokes. Women tend to be very aggressive when they are the butt of the joke. They seem not to get it, but actually they do get it quite well…that’s why they get upset.

*”We’re going out diving…we’re having some friends for dinner”…Well.. .. these are things you used to do when you were “alone” but not anymore. Making any decision that involves your partner must involve them too…Don’t make decisions without consulting her. It’s just rude and annoying to invite someone home or decide to go on a trip without talking to the person who lives with you in the same house!

*She hates the guts of your best friend…and it hurts so badly…”Why can’t she see him the way I do? How can she hate someone who is that wonderful?” you wonder. Well…she has her own heart, you know, which is separate from yours. Just because she’s in love with you, it doesn’t mean that she must fall in love with your friends, your pajamas, or your mobile…you can still keep your friend of course…but make sure to keep the two away because, eventually, you are going to lose one of them…don’t impose your friends on your wife or fiancé.

*A very stupid and traditional idea about couples is the idea of having to make the same order at a restaurant. Think about it…if you like shrimps, for instance, but she doesn’t, does that make of her a bad mate? It’s just a matter of taste…you two are not twins living in the same womb! Who said you have to eat the same thing?

*Don’t share her secrets with anyone! Don’t share her silly laughs, her bad moments…the way she looks in the morning…her strange habits….this is simply not your area ..not part of your possessions…Danger zone!…don’t go there unless you want to lose her trust forever!

*To some men, their fiancés or wives are celebrities; they have nothing to talk about except them! When they are with their friends or family members the wife/fiancé is always the best and hottest topic! Sorry to disappoint you guys, but this is also out of your domain…no signal…get it?

*Do you want to kill your gal without being charged of any crime? Just praise other women in front of her, especially at the beginning of your marriage/relation…I don’t mean other women like your mother or your sisters (although it might fall under the danger zone for some girls)…I mean …you know what i mean…you do it all the time guys, and it just kills girls even if some of them don’t express it. According to girls’ book of love, this is betrayal! Igniting your wife’s/fiancé’s jealousy really sucks! It simply turns your loving, caring girl into a cold, careless person…or worse; it might turn her into a wild cat that attacks everybody including you!

One last tip: If your wife is acting cold or crazy, it doesn’t always mean she’s “PMSing”…it might be something you did! Think about what you’ve done before blaming her madness on hormones!

These are just basic tips for you guys out there…the rest is left to your intelligence and charm!

I’m not an angel undercover
I’m just a damn bloody lover

I can be cold
I can be bold
I can be gross

As worse as it could get

And that’s not a shy threat

Cause I’m just a bloody lover!

Try and make me jealous
And I’ll be bloody monstrous,

Atrocious,

And scandalous!

If you can’t handle my womanly sensitivity,

Then you don’t deserve my wanton creativity!

Don’t act like Mr. Innocent!

Don’t be so arrogantly confident…

You’re just another guy of intellect!

You’re always offline!

Or busy online!

You don’t have time!

Except when you’re gambling with my feeling

Well baby it’ll make me hit the regret ceiling!

Please, control your geeky manipulation

I’m sick of your mercury swingy situation!

‘Cause it’s no good for my feminine inflation!

And it’ll surly take me to the bye-bye station!

I’m not an angel undercover!
I’m just a damn bloody lover!

I can be cold!
I can be bold!
I can be gross!

As worse as it could get

And that’s not a shy threat

Cause I’m just a bloody lover!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Evoking from the darkness of chains,

A wild mild feminine beast.

Her young entity snatched by serenity,

Yet she soars uncaring for any blame!

She’s a shining sun burning from within

Suppressed by the laws of a thousand galaxy…

Hysterically driven by the bonds of reason,

Used and thrown by the natural egoism of men!

No more walls she wants;

No more care she needs

Away from love’s worn out pleas…

She travels on a journey into the self!

Flowing out from the womb of shame

Laughing, crying, seducing, torturing;

She cannot be but herself…

She cannot be but a woman of flames!

Friday, August 6, 2005

Yet, we as Saudi women, are living the impossible and in fact, we are making it possible! 

To be more specific & to avoid generalizations, I am going to take my readers today on a journey to a typical day of my life: the life of a 40 year old Saudi wife, mother, & working woman…Don’t expect deep secrets though  

Like all responsible women, who don’t belong to the royal/velvet class in Saudi Arabia, my life is one huge roller coaster!

Once that iPhone alarm starts doing its thing at 5:30 in the morning, I wake up and start waking up my three kids for school. After they have their breakfast and go to school, I start getting ready for work. My work place is about 30 minutes away from home…that’s the supposed time…but in reality and due to the dreadful, hideous, and poor traffic in Jeddah, it takes me over 50 minutes to reach work!

So…that’s over 100 minutes (1 hour and 40 minutes) lost on the road…or actually stuck in traffic…and that happens daily!

Once I reach work, I do nothing but work of course…Working in a private sector with high standards is very demanding, time and energy-consuming…all for the good of the society indeed. As an English language instructor and co-editor and translator, I have to keep up with everything new in the field…I have to always be creative and think of new ways to make life easier for my students, who come with minimum study and language skills and aim at learning English, so they can be up to Dar Al-Hekma’s requirements. At Dar Al-Hekma things don’t work as in most educational institutions in Saudi Arabia; there is no such thing as lecturing and then asking students to memorize and do well in tests. It’s the responsibility of the instructor to implant skills and values in students and to make sure they are strong enough to survive in the real world, to find their roles in life, and to succeed in their careers. Of course, I am not the only one responsible for this, but it’s my mission as a member of a great team and a wonderful family at Dar Al-Hekma.

During the non-stop long work day, I always squeeze 30 to 45 minutes to go to the gym that the college provides for its staff and students.

Why on Earth do I go to the gym if I have loads of work?

Well…that’s the other side of the story…I’m woman in a world full of beauties everywhere (TV, magazine, streets….well …..yes even though they wear Abayas, they’re still gorgeous)…I am woman and I want to be pretty and fit…In fact, I am expected to be fit…there are no excuses for being overweight in a world that has increasing awareness about health and exercise. No matter how many times Oprah says “we must love our bodies and accept ourselves the way we are”, there is this urge in every woman, I assume, to be beautiful and sexy regardless of her age. Don’t get a wrong idea now…I’m not a model! I just try my best to lead a healthy life in good shape, and that, I believe, contributes to my success as a working woman, wife and mother. No one really wants a mom, wife, or employee who has health issues! It’s harsh and sad..but true!

Back to my day…Around 4 pm, I go back home…and on my way home, I go to the supermarket to buy some groceries and necessary stuff for dinner. My kids reach home an hour before me…Of course, if I were allowed to drive, I would have reached home earlier, but I have to wait for the driver to take them home and then return to me (their schools are next to my house). Once I’m at home, I start preparing for a rather late dinner (around 6:30).

Now…most Saudi women have their maids cook for them…my husband doesn’t really mind, but I cannot think of a woman, who is a total stranger to cook for me and my family! Besides, I’m an excellent cook and I’m a really picky eater. I want my husband and kids to eat clean, tasty, and healthy food. I don’t want to be under the control and mercy of a maid, who might decide to leave all of a sudden and who is basically not a trained cook nor a professional house manager; she is just a helper at home. It’s my house and my family, and I’m responsible for them. And after all, cooking is not that big a deal! I wonder why new Saudi girls think of it as something dreadful and difficult! 

Once we finish dinner, I stay with my kids to help them with their studies, especially the youngest one, and then the youngest goes to sleep, and I stay for a while with my husband if he hadn’t fallen asleep. By now, there are about three to four hours before I go to skeep. During those few hours, I read, prepare for work, correct papers, write/translate articles, and spend some time with my two eldest kids and with my husband. I forgot to say that I do all those things while I’m extremely exhausted, but I struggle to stay alert and awake (thanks to vitamins!)

I sleep at around 11 to 12 pm to get ready for a new day.

And now it’s time for Mr. Weekend!! And boy that poor weekend is stuffed with millions of things! My weekends are divided among my kids, parents, in-laws, beauty salons to take care of my skin and hair, spring cleaning a specified room in the house, doctors’ appointments, and three quality hours on Friday for me and my husband alone.

And as you might have noticed, there’s no place in my life for phone calls, chit chats, hanging out with friends, or socializing and visiting family members and attending wedding parties. The only parties that I attend are the parties that my kids are invited to; I always go with them, especially the young one.

I’m trying to be a good mom, an attractive and loving wife, and a productive employee …and I try my best to do all that with a smile on my face…My mission in life, I have come to believe, is to help others and inspire them to get out the best of themselves.

Life is becoming difficult every day. As women, we have to prove ourselves in the workplace and at home, and as for me, I can never be but a giver and a person who inspires those who need to dig deep into their souls.

I could have taken the easier path as many Saudi women do; eat & drink, spend all my time chatting or hanging out with friends, spend a lot of money on trivia, and be a completely dependent woman on the maid(s), but that’s not me! It’s much easier to be this spoiled woman, who sleeps all day and has others do things for her and at the end of the day complains about not getting a Fendi bag from her husband!

But such a life is just a pity in my opinion. Life with all its challenges, difficulties, and obstacles is much more beautiful and meaningful than just a life of “taking or waiting to see what others offer me!”

 Of course, nothing comes easily…I gave up on a lot of things in order to fulfill my main roles in life. I’ve set my priorities and made my choices …and took the road “less traveled by” as the amazing Robert Frost puts it.

If we don’t face life’s challenges, it will hit us on the face!

If you’re like me , be happy that you have the gift of working and giving others instead of just taking. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and your beauty, take breaks, have fun, and be prepared for life’s surprises; the pleasant and the unpleasant ones….And of course, always be proud because you are a giving woman!

But it’s not only me…..I know there are many amazing women out there, who have even more demanding and challenging jobs and lives…and the least I can  say to them is that “You make us all proud!”

Responsible and reliable Saudi women rock!!

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“Remember that Gucci bag that I told you about? I went today to buy it, and guess what? It was sold! But I bought that other one…the better one..remember what the guy said? It is one of its kind!”

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“What’s taking you so long? I’ve been waiting for 15 minutes! I didn’t tell you to come at ten! Are you deaf or what…stupid man! I said nine-thirty!”

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“Oh, I just love your new look! It’s so hot! I think you look prettier in red!”

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“No..no!! We can’t postpone the meeting! We’ve been postponing it for weeks! Call his assistant and tell her it’s urgent!”

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“Believe me…I didn’t mean to hurt you! It was just an innocent joke! You are so sensitive!”

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(All the above in one place!)

Too much of a crowd…eh?

Noisy isn’t it?

Too many irrelevant conversations you think?

 Well, I hate to say it, but this is our life. Everywhere you go, you hear people talking loudly over their cell phones; flirting, arguing, taking appointments, showing off, or just gossiping. Surly, there is nothing wrong with that, but when all of the above happens OUT  LOUD for everybody to hear, things could become really annoying.  

At restaurants, for instance, we seem to hear the people who are sitting at the next table more than we hear the people who are sitting with us at the same table. In hospitals, people wander in the corridors carrying their cell phones and discussing family issues, business dealings, personal and intimate problems…you name it!

Yet the worse is yet to come! In conferences, business meetings, and lectures, some don’t feel a bit ashamed to disturb and distract others with their cell phones’ ringing tones and with their unnecessary conversations over their phones.  

What an awful display of civilization and technology!  

And again…they talk, argue, laugh out loud, shout, and/or swear. Do they care about the others who have come to the lecture to benefit and develop themselves? Do they even care or bother about others who want to listen? Do they care to be interactive or effective listeners in the conferences/meetings they attend? I don’t think so. It seems that attending seminars, workshops, and lectures are meant to be added to the CVs of those people, and that’s all. Everything else is not important. We talk more….hear a lot….and listen less!

Sometimes I think that we are living others’ lives more than we are living our own. We have become, whether we like it or not, involved in others’ lives by hearing their most intimate and personal conversations.

Obviously, we were thirsty for technology, and that’s why we welcomed it with open arms and hearts. Surly, we can’t live without technology, but have we ever thought of using technology “politely”? Have we ever thought of the etiquette of using mobile phones, iPhones, and Blackberries?

I just have to say it as bluntly as the “loud” cell phone users: it is rude to have a private conversation on your phone while you are among others (unless it is an emergency). It is even more impolite to let others hear your conversations. It is of ill manners to ignore your companions and text message others.

When you want to answer your mobile phone in a public place, always remember, people don’t want to hear you babbling!Yes! No matter how important your conversation is, it is considered babbling for others! 

When you have to answer your phone calls while you are with a group of colleagues, make sure you apologize for not being able to pay attention to them for the next few minutes. Make sure you say: “Excuse me; I have to take this call.” 

When you want to answer your mobile phone in a public place, always remember, people out there get annoyed being “forced” to hear your personal tête-à-tête!

Always remember, strangers are not really interested in knowing about your work, your love affairs, your ignorant driver who doesn’t come on time, or your girlfriend who missed the fancy bazaar at Hilton!

May we just agree on something, guys? Could we please use technology in a classy way? Could we stop being primitive in our use of technology?  Could we agree on having some cell phone etiquette, please?

Classy user or trashy user of technology? It’s your choice as long as it doesn’t bother others!

Against all odds, and at the time when Saudi women were (and still are) fighting for their right to drive, 13 to 18 year- old-girls of Jeddah Private School were practicing their right to breathe and enjoy a productive joyful life!

To begin with, the whole play was arranged by the Student Government of the school, and this preparation included modifying the text to suit the stage performance, choosing and training the cast, and fund-raising! Yes! It was a 100% students’ effort. It was their idea, their initiative, and their organization without any sort of help from any teacher.

Weeks before the performance, the directors and cast came up with the idea of funding the play. They needed props, costumes, microphones, background decorations for the setting, and a whole sound system, but it wasn’t easy to get the money. The team made a Feast Day at the school in which they created a buffet and invited other students in the school to bid for their tables! Students had to actually pay for the tables in order to reserve them and in order to be served (by the cast members themselves) their favorite dishes! What happened was and will always be really a source of pride! In one school day, the team collected 10000 SR! But that wasn’t enough! The next week, they held a bake sale to get more money, and they succeeded as well!  Those were practical and simple ideas, but their benefit was great!

 Those are definitely the businesswomen of the future!

Behind the scenes and during the well-organized and timed rehearsals, spirits were high, and love and cooperation prevailed. Directed by sophomore student, Jawaher Al-Saud and senior student, Jude Mulla, the rehearsals were full of delight, excitement, lots of harmless pranks, and loads of laughs. And despite their young age, the cast managed to commit and deliver on time!

Simplicity, organization, and refinement! Those were the words that came to my mind when the play began. Everything was perfectly structured, and everyone knew what they had to do. The whole atmosphere was just classy and so elegant!

Watching the opening scene of the village was overwhelming that I could sense and deeply feel the girls’ passion, enthusiasm, and team spirit! Nevertheless, the best was yet to come!

The performance of Sara Al-Mehdar, The Beast, was exceptional and so convincing! And as I told Sara that day, she was the “bestest” beast I’ve ever seen!

Lina Al-Sayed, Gaston, really shocked me! I could never imagine seeing the sweet and funny Lina act the role of the conceited, self-centered Gaston so perfectly! I didn’t even know her at first!

What gave me the chills were the enchanting voices of Noura Abdul Jawad, Belle, and Nadine Linjawi, Mrs. Pot. Those girls really created the Disney atmosphere with their captivating vocals!

Hanin Nasser as Cogsworth, Sara Abdul Jawad as Lumiere, Ghazal Trabzouni as Chip, and Arwa Al-Saati as Enchantress gave life and joy to the play and added amusement and amazement with their adorable  performance and bedazzling costumes.

Fifty one girls, including cast and backstage volunteers, were one team that night! Everyone did their job, and sure it was a hell of a job!

And….on a side-note…Some of those girls were my students when they were in grade three, and I am so proud to have taught them! <<<< Trying to attribute their success to me Nah! Just kidddin!

Saudi girls are coming, people! They have talent, passion, skills, determination, and above all, the will to live and be proactive and productive!

And as Belle sings it“New and a bit alarming…who had ever thought that this could be!!”

It’s truly new alright….but it happened!

Jeddah Private School girls brought beauty and happiness to all of us that night when we were least prepared and least optimistic! They made us see a beam of hope in the future of this country…and I am positive they will be able to make us see hidden beauty by their constant hard work and love of life!

 Thanks to the administration of the Jeddah Private Schools that made this event possible by facilitating whatever was needed to make those girls’ dream come true!

Try to win him back? Don’t even think about it! If he left you, he most probably has done it because he is 1000% sure that he doesn’t want you. If you think there were other factors, which forced him to take that decision, it only shows you that he is not strong enough to stand for what he believes in. Cry and weep as much as you want, but don’t lose your mind after you’ve lost your dignity! If you try to win him back, you might ignite his wrath and resentment. You’ve already lost him, so it’s better to have him away as a friend, not as en enemy.

What then? Drag his sympathy? Pretend you are in trouble and need his advice? Nah! Very cheep! It’s actually the oldest trick in the book, and he would most probably know you are playing it. You’ve already lost your pride when he walked away, so don’t lose it twice because he might reject you again!

What to do then? A very common tool that dumped women use is what I call plan B to get back to plan A. That apparently appealing yet appalling plan B usually involves another man, whose meaning in your life would be like plastic surgery; expensive, painful, and useless 90% of the times! If you are hurt by a man, don’t hunt for another (unless he is a very famous plastic surgeon, which is something you don’t want of course _if you know what I mean). A second man won’t be able to do what you have failed to do, and you might end up having two scars rather than one to deal with! The “make-up” man will probably numb your wound for a while, but there will always be that scar, which you feel its pain as if someone has punched you in the stomach. The rule is simple; rebound guys are a waste of energy and time, and you might end up with a stupid jerk that you cannot easily get rid of!

When you’re wounded, never spread your wound. Take your time; don’t open a new page without fully closing the old pages. The scar will always remain in your heart even after many years, but it only means that you were alive all those years. Whoever has left a mark in your life will always be part of your history although he doesn’t exist physically in your life anymore.

Cherish the scars that were made by the man you loved and make them teach you to make a wiser choice next time. This is the best gift you can give yourself after being rejected.

And I have to admit it…I went to the Stand-up Comedy Show by Luxury Revolution with the intention of finding fault and criticizing anything and everyone who will be on that darn amazing stage at my beloved workplace Dar Al-Hekma College. I have a hobby of reviewing and critiquing TV shows and soap operas; a hobby that doesn’t thrive at all in Saudi Arabia. This hobby emerged after I have studied the father of modern comedy & criticism, Bernard Shaw, for more than 5 years.

I went to the show with this great urge to criticize …I haven’t done this for a while, so my hands/keyboard was aching to write and criticize (evil laugh).

But wait…ladies and gentlemen (or ladies and girls for the sake of segregation and other Saudi issues), I hereby introduce to you my review of the first Stand-Up Comedy in Jeddah…

The show was hosted by Omar Hussein, presenter and star of a you tube show called Ala AlTayer or “Quickies”– this is my translation but it might be translated differently. And to be honest, I didn’t like Omar on the program that much…Everybody was raving about him and his program, but I thought he was just alright without  the “WOW” factor. Today, during the afternoon show, I saw a natural talent thrive and shine. What distinguishes Omar is his unique spontaneity yet very witty and thought-provoking humor. Now that alone deserves THE WOW!! A natural intelligent guy with a naughty yet innocent sense of humor from Saudi Arabia! That is something very rare among comedians, especially in the Arab World let alone a country like Saudi Arabia!

Omar is well aware of so many controversial issues and he kept throwing them “lightly” at the audience, making them laugh and think at the same time. He tackled the issue of arranged weddings in Saudi Arabia and more importantly tackled the issue of equality between men and women in less than two sentences in a very brilliant and non-offending way. You want “blind & complete” equality? Then let’s kiss every time we meet girls and see what happens! I would add to that (from a woman’s perspective), let’s wow a guy’s breasts every time he walks into the room or maybe his full lips and the smell of his hair spray!

Omar Hussein

It’s a message that I am sure offended many “complete” equality seekers…but who cares? Comedy has to offend “someone”! He also had a message for the guys who show off their boxers…..loved the messenger in your pants thingy!

What I felt during every interval Omar Hussein popped at is that his program has been burying his real talent all that time! Now if somebody can make me laugh till my jaws hurt, he must be really funny! (I’m too humor-conceited I believe)…and by the way Omar…you are cute and I have to say it in Arabic “Ya naso 3aleik” I am like your mother, so it’s ok to be turned off  …you will sure have a lot of girls seeing something else in you! A last word to Omar…never force your audience to stand up in the mid of the crowd! They might have stage fright …don’t expect all people to be familiar with the being under the lime light like you…besides…your job is to make people laugh, not feel embarrassed.

And now ladies and gentlemen, let’s go to Fahad Al-Butairi and “Put a Sock in It” – That’s my translation for his Arabic comedy program (La Yekthar)!

Fahad…well…ummm…errr….I don’t know what to say…don’t want to disappoint anyone….Nah…just kidding! Fahad is really great and he doesn’t need me to confirm this fact! Fahad is a first class comedian…His appearance helps him a lot in delivering his messages, which revolve also around shattering social norms. When a rebellious nature is combined with intelligence and sense of humor all in tiny body, it produces a huge, great talent! Personally, I found Fahad’s jokes very new and fresh to my taste as he handles everyday Saudi issues along with mother-son hide & seek games to pin them down through marriage in a very simple yet intriguing way. Every time he cracks a joke, I think to myself, “damn! Why haven’t I thought of that before!” His joke about the Egyptian sports trainer was just awesome…I heard a lot about what goes in men’s gyms, but never thought of it as torture for some guys. His style is very American and reminds me a lot of Seinfeld. However, I could relate to Fahad much more than to the American pro.

I believe Fahad and Omar are two sides of the coin; one demonstrates the Hijazi wit and hilarity and the other displays the unique sense of humor from the Eastern Province.

Fahad AlButairi

Yet the surprise (to me at least) during this show was seeing four other comedians that I haven’t heard of before. Honestly, I thought I would only see Omar and Fahad and yawn for the rest of the show. But the other talents blew my mind. Waddah Swar, a Bahraini businessman and pilot (that’s how he was introduced), had this classic and classy flavor of comedy! Something that reminded me of the good old times when comedy was not just a clownish cliché.  His messages were deep and very significant from my point of view. The never dying gender jokes were really great and gave us the answer to the eternal question “why can’t men understand women?” Because of their eyebrows (criticizing the new eyebrow styles that makes a woman look surprised at all times whether she’s sad or happy). Of course, there is no point in retelling or writing Waddah’s jokes because his hypnotizing presence makes even the silliest jokes alive and funny (not that his jokes are silly). Among one of the many things that I liked about Waddah was his brilliant and wise use of body language (I didn’t see that in the others). Way to go, Waddah! Your the pro!!

In a nut shell, Waddah is a comedian who can imitate women and dance like them yet never makes you forget for a second that he is a normal “straight” man (at least I hope so) LOL

Waddah Swar - the guy with the thobe

The other surprise was Khaled Khalifa, a Saudi comedian that I never heard of before! He is plainly talented, funny, and bright. He dealt with daily social encounters that might pass by without noticing, yet he captured them in his own shocking way. Khaled used the oldest trick in the book; laughing at himself and at the way he looks, and it actually worked like magic. Khaled’s performance shows that old school ploys never get old, mimicking our society as it is without polishing it or trying to be funny. He was simply funny using the “as-seen-in-real-life” method and being himself! Go go go, Khaled!

On the other hand, Hesham Mansari, an emerging Saudi comedian who participated in Arabs Got Talent a while ago, was extremely hilarious, paving his success in his own way; imitating different accents in the Arab region. Now I know some would accuse him of being racist, but obviously he meant no nationality in specific, and it was all for the sake of making the audience have a good light laugh. Nevertheless, I believe he needs to work more on his punch lines and not to depend only on the variation of the accents. Doing different accents is for sure his strongest point, but I am certain he could come up with more brilliant and creative dialogues to fire his pranks.

The two remaining comedians are Mohammad Kamal from Qatar and Rami Salame from Lebenon. Now I have left these two to the end not because they are less talented, but because they kind of lost their audience in the middle of their performances. When Mohammad Kamal stepped on stage, he almost owned it with his unmatched energy and vigor, starting his show with a Justin Beiber act, which was extremely successful and hilarious. But when he began to talk about Arabs Got Talent’s Judges, he flunked a bit at times and had his gleaming moments at other times. When he started to criticize Qusay (Saudi innovative rapper) very harshly, I guess he lost his audience, which consisted mostly of girls. I found the jokes about Qusay funny and non-offensive but pointless, and I know that some girls cannot bear listening to anything negative said about “their” Qusay! I think Mohammad should have researched deeply on Qusay’s status in Jeddah and about his rapport and his huge range of fans that consists mostly of females, especially those living in Jeddah. Again, the jokes weren’t bad, but they weren’t appropriate for an audience that adores their first Saudi professional rapper. I think if the jokes were told in an all-male audience, things would have been great, but attacking many girls’ idol was too much.

And now, we come to Rami Salame, Lebanese comedian, who also had a strong and exciting kick off, but lost the audience somehow toward the mid – end of the show. Rami’s gender jokes about women’s obsession with shopping and home decoration were amazing and very creative. I applaud for his brilliant and well-written punch lines.  However, when he used the “hole – whole” joke, he failed horribly! Man! You are in a place that is full of females (mostly virgins)! Personally, I was offended and felt a rather chauvinist tone in the jokes. I know I said comedy can be offensive, but not to this extent. I also know it was just a joke, but it’s mainly this type of “guy” joke that no one can relate to except men because a woman to some of them is just a “whole” without the “w”! Sorry I had to spit it out this way! Rami had other dirty jokes (basically ones that would make men go LMAO). In the evening show, Rami took into consideration the feedback on his afternoon show, dropped some lines and played it “culturally and gender” safe, and he should be thanked for this. I know he is not convinced of crossing out these jokes, and I don’t think that he will understand how we women feel when hearing such jokes. Cultural, age, and gender sensitivity wanted, dear Rami! And I laughed a lot despite my shock!

Rami Salame

I got out of the show with a big smile, a headache (got carried away laughing and screaming), sore jaws from not being able to stop laughing, and a different, fresh perspective. Suddenly, I became this positive lady who wants to write the nicest thing about those guys! And whatever nastiness that was in my review, was just for the sake of adding spices!  Those young guys are not “clowns”! They are the essence of genuine comedy performances, and they are the mirror of our lives! They brought life and light to us in a society that always associates fun with forbidden and corrupt acts.

I wonder how much youthful energy was absorbed today? Can’t help dreaming of “innocent” entertainment in my country and those guys helped me believe that my dream will come true very soon!

Now…Would I attend this comedy show again…this very same one? You bet ya! Would I pay 350 or 250 for a ticket? Surely I will! It’s worth every riyal! Much money is spent on stuff to show off, but very little is spent on stuff for the soul and heart!

Me before the show!

Me before the show - Come on guys show me what you got & I'll criticize you1

Me after the show!

Me after the show - sigh*

Thanks to Luxury Revolutions for making this happen!

Thanks to the Student Government at Dar Al-Hekma College for their efforts!

Thanks to the amazing audience!

Thanks to the amazing woman who encourages youth and freedom of speech, Dr. Suhair Al-Qurashi, President of Dar Al-Hekma College and all the vice deans in the college who encouraged this show whole-heartedly!

Thanks to all the anonymous soldiers who made this event a gigantic success!

P.S.

Sorry if some of my info is incorrect. I was so keen on posting this review tonight before I go to sleep. And if there is any wrong info, I will be glad to make changes.