An astounding video I came to see by chance while I was searching for the image of women in America.

 

J String!

I hate to disappoint my readers because my article is not going to be about the you-know-what string! The string that you are thinking of doesn’t exist in my dictionary because I’m a good girl, and because I don’t like people who have dirty minds. So get that G-string out of your head and focus on my J-string. Assumingly, you’ve formed a negative idea about me from the words above, and that’s where the J-string starts. It starts in our minds, develops in our minds according to our limited understanding, and then spreads to the whole society as if it were the bare truth.  Judging others after having very few encounters with them is our aching habit. It’s like a string of misleading interpretations of others; every off-putting judgment leads to another, which makes our lives a series of unfair first impressions.  Unfortunately, the problem is exasperated when we tend to rely on our first impressions and our faulty judgments, which are based on appearances, gender, family background, and country or city.

If a lady is wearing (Hijab) with (neqab), she is oppressed and has no freedom of choice. If another lady is not wearing Hijab, she is free to some and cursed by others. If a girl is wearing Hijab, we assume that she is ugly and has something to hide, and probably cannot afford to dress up in a trendy style. If another girl is dressed up in a fashionable way, she is probably showing off or is planning on catching a husband.

If an employee succeeds at work and gets a promotion, he is definitely a suck-up; “don’t you remember all those hours he used to be at the manager’s office?”

If a female writer writes about love, she must be in love, and if she writes about women’s rights, she must have had a frustrating love affair with a man who dumped her for a younger woman.

If a woman is pretty, she is an air-head, and if she is successful, she must be a failure as a wife or mother.

If a man is Lebanese or Egyptian, he must be very kind and gentle with his wife, but if he is Saudi or Kuwaiti, he must be a womanizer or a drunkard who beats his wife day and night.

If a woman is British, she must be cold and arrogant, but if she is French, she is elegant and attractive.

If a girl sneaks away from a gathering to have a conversation on her mobile, she is most likely to be having a secret love affair with a married man (I wonder why no one interprets this behavior as an act of mobile etiquette!)

If a man takes his wife to have a romantic dinner, he is surly cheating on her and is trying to cover up his nasty secret!

If an acquaintance doesn’t reply to your email, they must be doing it on purpose because you are starting to mean nothing to them.

Our J-string continues to grow harsher, more serious, or more ridiculous depending on the situation, but in all cases it continues to happen. It seems that everyone is obsessed with everybody else’s business, and we _whether we like it or not_ are part of this demeaning and dehumanizing behavior as long as we keep watching it silently without doing something to stop it. I wonder why we keep busying ourselves with other people’s business; people whom we really don’t care about while we ignore the important details about the closest people to our hearts! I wonder why we keep judging others according to our limited understanding and knowledge of them, yet we never pause to ponder about our imperfections, losses, successes, and achievements that need to be fulfilled!

Saudi Women’s Oppression Vs Muslim Women’s Mission – Part III

Hind Bint Otba: The Free Woman

It might be surprising for some to know that Hind Bint Otba was one of Islam’s most fierce enemies, and that destroying Prophet Mohammad (Peace Be Upon Him) was Hind’s sole goal in life. It might be even more shocking to know that Prophet Mohammad declared that killing her is lawful after she had killed his beloved uncle, Hamza, deliberately and distorted his corpse. That very woman turned out to be a true Muslim woman and the mother of one of Islam’s greatest leaders.

Hind Bint Otba is a descendant of a notable Quraish family, and her father, Otba, one of Quraish leaders, was known for his wisdom and insightfulness. Being brought up in a rich and prominent family contributed to making Hind a strong and well-spoken woman with great pride and perception. She was also known for her beauty and her love of poetry and literature. Yet the amazing woman was wounded when she got married to a man who didn’t appreciate her for what she is. She saw no other alternative but divorce, which affected her intensely.

After her divorce, she daringly asked her father to consult her whenever a suitor asks for her hand in marriage. She told him: “I am a woman of free choice, so don’t marry me off until you have asked me for my opinion.” The father could do nothing but agree on what his daughter had asked. After a while, her father talked to her about two suitors, the first was from an honorable family and was known for his weak personality , which would make him easily-led by his wife, and the second was also from a notable family but known for his reliable and leading personality. She chose the second saying: “The first seems to be an obedient husband as long as his wife loses her character and pride; don’t ever mention him to me. The second suits a free woman and can stand for the rights of his wife and defend her; I choose the second.” After her marriage to Abu Sufyan Bin Harb, one of Quraish’s prominent heads, she supported her husband significantly in his war against Islam and Prophet Mohammad (Peace Be Upon him). In fact, she had a huge role in setting the war plan against the Muslim army in the battle of Ohud. Part of her plan consisted of getting rid of Hamza Bin Abdul Muttaleb, the prophet’s uncle, in order to deeply affect Prophet Mohammad’s spirit and weaken him emotionally as she knew how attached he was to his uncle, who was unbeatable in the battlefield as well.

After Hind and her husband’s victory, something surprising happened. Her husband announced his conversion to Islam after Prophet Mohammad had talked to him. Expectedly, the that announcement didn’t appeal to Hind, who went on talking to the med of Quraish and asking them to kill her husband as he turned out to be the worst of leaders. For a whole night, Hind was quivering with rage, and her fury dragged her into going to the Muslim’s mosque to take a closer look at those people who had killed many of her relatives and now have taken her husband to their world. The next morning, she went to her husband and asked him to take her to Mohammad (Peace Be Upon him), for she wanted to convert to Islam. With great astonishment, her husband exclaimed, “Wasn’t that the most contemptible thing for you yesterday?” Confidently, she replied, “I’ve never seen Allah being worshipped as He should until I saw those Muslims praying all night.”

Hind went to Prophet Mohammad (Peace Be Upon him) with fear filling her heart because of what she had done to his uncle. Yet the prophet accepted and welcomed her, and when she was in the process of pledging allegiance to the prophet, she said what pleased him and made him forgive her. During his speech with the Muslim women, the prophet asked the women to do specific things and to avoid other things in order to be good Muslims. He asked them to swear that they will not commit adultery, but Hind was so alarmed to hear such a plea. “Does a free woman commit adultery?!” she exclaimed. Her question was a form of refusal for such an act that was known to be for slaves and prostitutes only; not for honorable pure women who have dignity and pride. As most of the Arabs used to think, Hind deeply believed that when a woman is free and has a choice, she never commits adultery, for only forced women do that despicable act. Free Arab women were raised on chastity and on refusing to be objects for men’s pleasure, and despite all the Arab bad-reputed traits, their appreciation of modest free women was immense. The concept of freedom at that time meant to be honorable, to rise above wanting what you cannot have or are not allowed to have. Women and men used to have the same desires that we have today, but a free Arab woman would never let a man touch her until he becomes her husband even if she was madly in love with him.

Hind’s pure strong soul grew more powerful after she had converted to Islam, and her hostile and bitter nature was transformed into positive energy that served Islam and produced a woman who fights steadily for Islam after she had been one of its most aggressive enemies. Her faith in Allah had made all the difference in her attitude and perspective, but she had always been a woman with a free soul who thinks and works hard in order to achieve her goals.

How does Hind’s story relate to Saudi women today? In what ways?

Part IV: Khawla Bint Thaalaba – Arguing with the Prophet (peace be upon him)

Saudi Women’s Oppression Vs Muslim Women’s Mission – Part II

If Saudi women are oppressed, it is because they’ve chosen the luxurious life that doesn’t require seeking knowledge or hard work. Stories of beaten and humiliated women fill the empty columns and pages of the fire-generating magazines and newspapers, but they also show the emptiness of  those women. Freedom, independence, and respect don’t just happen by default; these concepts are put into practice only when women put great efforts to earn them. In the early ages of Islam, women’s freedom and independence were taken for granted because the women at that time knew what it meant to be a woman. Following are glimpses of very few examples of great Muslim women who were never subject to oppression or cruelty because they realized they are not meant for pleasure but for a mission.

Aisha Bint Abi Bakr Al-Seddiq (Prophet Mohammad’s Wife “Peace Be Upon Him”)

To talk about Aisha’s outstanding personality and achievements needs volumes, but I will try to mention the most important characteristics about her.

Aisha (May Allah be Pleased with Her) was Prophet Mohammad’s youngest wife, and she was the only virgin among his wives. She was known for her beauty, wittiness, and brilliance. However, her youth and her charm didn’t make of her a shallow and spoiled demanding wife.

Apart from being a supportive loving wife, she was one of the most knowledgeable people of her age. She was one of the best and most trustworthy narrators of Hadith, and she was considered the teacher of Islamic scholars and narrators such as Abdullah Ibn Al-Zubair, Al-Qassem Bin Abi Bakr, Abu Salama Bin Abdul Rahman, and many others. The great companions of Prophet Mohammad (Peace Be Upon Him) used to resort to her when they disagreed on something related to the narration of Hadith or related to general life issues. Notable companions like Omar Bin Al-Khattab and Othman Bin Affan used to ask her about the “Sunnah” and about different affairs that concern Muslims. Moreover, she used to argue with the companions and correct their misinterpretation of the Quraan and Hadith. She was daring, strong, patient, pious, and extremely generous with the poor and needy.

She used to have a specific style in teaching, which can be summed up in the following points:

1. Speaking clearly and slowly to make her listeners fully understand what she’s saying
2. Using the practical training method of certain principles of Islam like (Wodoo’)
3. Initiating explanations and advice based on her observations of current issues or situations
4. Encouraging people to question and ask in order to learn
5. Encouraging people to ask about everything and not to be shy to ask about embarrassing matters
6. Supporting her (Fatwa) with proofs from Quraan and Hadith

Yet the most important feature of Aisah’s personality is her consistent defense of women’s issues. She never agreed on treating women as less human beings, but she was keen on being modest and decent when dealing with men. Nothing used to make her furious like seeing women exposing their bodies or their beauty to men.

In addition, she used to be an eloquent speaker and poet. Also, she used to have general information on herbal treatment. Her life revolved around worshipping Allah, learning from the Prophet, reading and interpreting Quraan, narrating Hadith, and teaching others. She achieved all of this while living in an extremely simple and small house void of any sign of luxury and wealth.

This is only a very brief summary of Aisha’s role and mission in Islam, and I only want to emphasize that Aisha (May Allah Be pleased With Her) wasn’t respected and dignified because she was pretty and young, but because she was intellectual and giving.

Also read about Khadija Bint Khuwailid – The Prophet’s first wife

http://adnisa.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/role-of-women-in-calling-for-islam/

Part III: Hind Bint Otba: The Free Woman

http://saudirevelations.wordpress.com/2009/12/01/saudi-womens-oppression-vs-muslim-womens-mission-%E2%80%93-part-iii-hind-bint-otba-the-free-woman/

Saudi Women’s Oppression Vs Muslim Women’s Mission- Part I

A question that haunts almost every American I’ve known is whether or not Saudi women are really oppressed. Now I don’t know why we’re so important that everybody is so concerned about our well-being and our soft skin covered under the Abaya in such  hot weather, but I can clearly say to all the concerned and caring American friends that we are not oppressed in the sense that they hear about. Of course, many Saudi studies have shown that Saudi women are beaten and treated unfairly, but public places show something completely different.

A glance at some public places in Jeddah is a delight for the eye indeed. At malls, crowds of women hurl and rush searching for a find; a Fendi bag on sale or a make-up set with an offer. We are just so pretty and trendy that you can find us any time of the week or day at any up-town mall trying to fetch that small diamond that will make the difference!

At restaurants and cafes, the picture becomes more serious, however. Flocks of the most stylish and sexiest women sit around the tables smoking (sheesha) wildly with an empty mysterious look in their eyes saying: you can’t get me, bastard; you just get to see me and that’s enough for the likes of you! Not a single woman of those has that content and satisfied smile on her face. Why is that? Don’t be very pessimistic and realistic and start blaming men for that; it’s just that her royal highness, who happens to be the daughter of an ordinary employee, has not gotten the expensive house she wanted for her birthday.

In beauty salons, the fight for beauty seems to be fatal. Women there spend at least three hours to get the Nancy Ajram hairstyle, the Haifa Wahbi eye make-up, or the Elissa lips. Unluckily, the result is not always as expected. Yet the fight continues at the cashier in order not to allow the salon to take the money it deserves. When the result of the three-hour session is satisfactory another type of fight is inflamed; it’s show time! In fact, the show-off starts, and the jealousy among rivals is heated.

At the end of the day, the poor oppressed Saudi woman returns home to shout at her kids and complain about her husband who doesn’t really care about her. “Can you imagine that idiot! He bought me a Gucci bag for the second time!”

Those women are not always rich or married to wealthy men, yet they share a few alarming features. They are all spoiled, irresponsible, and spiritually, emotionally, and mentally empty. All of them haven’t been properly educated even though some of them have university degrees. Their lives revolve around stuff, not principles and values. Being superficial and materialistic is our greatest enemy; our greatest oppression. When a woman is well-educated and is well-aware of her mission in life, no man, judge, or religious police can humiliate her or deprive her of rights. It surprises me how some Saudi women have taken the wrong direction in their fight for their rights. We fight our fathers, brothers, and husbands, but few of us fight our triviality and ignorance. If Saudi women don’t start fighting for having a personality; for gaining the joy of fulfilling a goal, they will always be oppressed and obsessed with their things and toys. There is nothing Human Rights can do for women who choose to be forever consumers of goods, gifts, and pity.

Yet a question that very few people ask is whether or not this kind of oppression is from Islam. Is Islam for spoiling women and making them stuff-centered?

Stay tuned for part II.

Part II

http://saudirevelations.wordpress.com/2009/11/28/saudi-womens-oppression-vs-muslim-womens-mission-%E2%80%93-part-ii/

 

“A guy cheated on his young and attractive wife.”

“Another guy beat and dumped his fiancé for no clear reason.”

“A talented brilliant girl cannot find a job.”

“A multi-skilled female employee is being underpaid.”

It’s the same old story every day. It’s the negative stereotypes that are making our lives a series of expected, sore, and rather boring exhibitions.

It’s the bitter face of the truth that we are publicizing on a daily basis. Yes! We are part of this unfair game because we are promoting negativity without noticing.  Instead of changing these stereotypes, we are reinforcing them to appear again and again.

When we cry and weep beside a girl whose man left her, we are weakening her instead of helping her make sense of her bad experience.

When we spread rumors and stories about unfaithful men, we are poisoning  hearts and minds around us.

When we feel jealous of young and new talented people, we unconsciously discourage them. When we mock innovative ideas just because we’re not used to them, we are suppressing creativity and change.

Negativity exists everywhere around us. That’s true, but it can be combated. It can be reduced and lightened by our positive and proactive attitudes.

I was once surrounded by negativity, but a few years ago I was destined to escape from my cocoon. It took very few people to make a change in my life. They have done three simple things to me; they believed in me, encouraged me, and empowered me. Among them is an outstanding woman, whom I like to call the Saudi Oprah (much better though); Dr. Suhair Al-Qurashi, President of Dar Al-Hekma College. Three years ago, I was just another new, simple employee in the college when Dr. Suhair noticed my existence. Since then she embarked on encouraging and helping me develop my talents and skills in every possible way. Who would ever think that the president of an enormous institution like Dar Al-Hekma would be able to see an unknown worker like myself? But she did it; she observed and concluded that I was apt to change. She led me by example and love, and she taught me so many things that I needed as an employee and as a human being, but most importantly, she taught me positivism; how to embrace it, practice it, face its challenges, and how to spread it in a society that sinks deliberately in negativity.

To breathe, think, and act positively is the most difficult and important lesson that any person should learn in order to face life’s obstacles and tides. I believe that part of growing as a human and as a woman must involve meeting strong and positive people like Dr. Suhair (and I will say this even if I stop working in the college). Knowing Dr. Suhair and a few other positive amazing people happened to me by chance. I am neither a great nor a famous  figure now, but I am a better person, mother, wife, and employee who is positive, active, productive, and has an influence on people in her own small circle.

Now I  realize that God has put those people in my way, and I was grateful enough to learn from them everything God wanted me to learn.

I deeply believe that we, women, can form an informal league that works on a daily basis; a league of positive women who promote and empower each other without waiting for an official permission that might take forever to be released or for a faithful loving Mr. Right that might never show up in a fancy limo or even in a garbage truck!

Meeting constructive positive people who can help shape your future might not happen to you by coincidence, so what are you going to do? Don’t just wait for such people to come to you; go to them. Seek people who have the will and skills to empower others. Search for those who believe in your abilities and help your mentality ascend to the world of positive doers, not passive takers and destructive breakers.

Oprah: Ignorance or Arrogance?

Although I’ve been a huge fan of Oprah ever since I could lay  my eyes on TV, I was disappointed at her lack of information about Nancy Ajram. On her show, Oprah described Nancy as one of the most influential Arab figures in a conservative society such as Lebanon. Using a dictionary before preparing and broadcasting the episode could have been useful for Oprah since she seems to have misused the word “influential”. Nancy could be described as one of the most charming, popular, and sexiest singers in the Arab world, but “influential”? That’s the most eccentric description I’ve ever heard about Nancy. Come on, Oprah, do you really think that Nancy can be positioned in the same category with Gandhi, Princess Diana, or Obama, for instance? Saying that Nancy is influential is like saying Paris Hilton is intellectual! Actually, I believe you didn’t even think when you said those words about Nancy; who cares about those Arab people  anyway? Just say anything about them, and they’ll accept and be honored cause I’m saying it! That’s a minus one for you Oprah for not choosing the right word and for overlooking the really amazing influential people in the Arab world and picking an easy-to-find pretty face and an airhead instead!  No offence, Nancy fans, but Nancy herself never claimed she’s a wise girl or a bookworm; otherwise she would have lost her popularity in the shallow world of teenagers brought up by housemaids, drivers, and loss!

Oprah’s mini piece of information about Nancy has shown more than  just a mistakenly chosen word; it has revealed lack of credibility or maybe  lack of hard work on Oprah’s part. When I heard the word “conservative”  about Lebanon, I could almost imagine the witty well-educated Lebanese people laugh their heads off! Lebanon? Conservative?! Come on, Oprah! You can do better than that! Surf the internet, girl! It’s an easy homework….just write Lebanon and then click search! And to be more specific, write Beirut, and you’ll see all the beauties of Lebanon greeting you with their dazzling Zuhair Murad fancy, sexy gowns. I think when you attempted the search on Nancy, you clicked by mistake the Lebanese Hezbo Allah that emerged from the South of Lebanon, which is not Nancy’s birthplace!

From now on, Oprah, you need to do three basic steps when preparing for your show; put an effort using the dictionary, search well, and never  underestimate your viewers!

Maha Noor Elahi

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Fragile

(An Apology to the Self)

Oh, self…

Forgive me…

I won’t accept any more

To overburden you

With my ambitious leading roles.

Ripped you are…

I know…

By the powerful image

I’ve laid on your slender shore…

Oh, self…

I apologize

For invading your vulnerability

By my enforced strength and ability…

I apologize

For not cherishing

Your innocence and sensitivity.

I admit it …

I am fragile.

I confess…

The wild woman in me

Has raped the tender female!

I was conquered

By making a name;

A self-image

For others to see,

But not for me.

Oh, self…

I am not ashamed

To go back

To the trembling silky veil

Of sweet weakness…

Rebelling against the shield

Of dominance; strained and fake!

Acknowledging…bitterly;

“What’s in a name

Except seeking a grinding mirage?!”

Returning …willingly…

To the real whole being;

Image, self, and female…

Pure, true, and bare.

27/ 7 / 2006

“Who is the man

Behind your words and your wounds?”,

Repeatedly, I’ve been asked.

With a poignant smile pondered I,

About you…what can be divulged?

Emotions…letters…utterances

Thousands of them crowded my essence…

Astoundingly, nothing could I state.

Darling…you’re not just behind my scars…

You’re far beyond any engaging grace.

It’s not merely words that you aggregate;

It’s my outrageous hell you generate…

It’s my heavenly entity you elevate.

With you, my femininity

Flooded, fulminated, and fluttered.

With you, my creativity

Flashed, flamed, and flourished.

Yet, for them and me,

The prolonged question,

“Who is he?”

An ambiguity will remain;

A recherché being.

“Who is he? Who is he?”

To them, I can only say

He’s the only man

Who could unshackle and explain

The real chaotic me.

July 4^th, 2007

Saudi Woman Sneezes in Presence of Husband!

The Saudi Bug daily newspaper reported yesterday that a Saudi woman sneezed in the presence of her husband; an act that caused a domestic problem and, in turn, created a controversial issue for the Saudi and international media.

The Saudi Bug’s reporter, Fodooli Ibn Malgoof  Al-Ghabi, said that the woman couldn’t stop herself from sneezing in front of her husband, but her mistake was ignited when she asked him to say to her “bless you”. Just then the husband couldn’t control his temper and shouted at her saying: “I’m a man and nobody can ask me to be committed to doing anything of  the sort!”

The story stirred international uproar and endless debate among humanitarians and Human Rights officials.

***************

Such silly news is not the only one of its kind. Saudi and non Saudi newspapers are full of ludicrous stories about oppressed Saudi women who can’t chew a gum without the permission of their husbands, and who can’t surf the internet without being escorted by a male relative!

On the other side of the world, in Germany, for instance, a man bit his wife’s leg and hit her with a metal bar after a sharp argument between them. And I’m not saying this sarcastically! I read this on one of the known internet websites, but of course nobody gives a damn about news that don’t happen in Saudi Arabia!

In the United States of America, ESPN reporter, Erin Andrews, was secretly videotaped naked in her hotel room by an unknown person who posted her nude video on the internet. Not astonishingly, the video was viewed 300 million times, but again, nobody in the Arab world commented about such a sick and revolting behavior simply because it happened in America and its heroine wasn’t a Saudi woman.

Former Roman Catholic priest, Alberto Cutie, was caught on the beach with an attractive woman who turned out to be his lover for the last ten years. Later on, he defied the Church and married his mistress. No one in Saudi Arabia was interested in this story, and no one accused the priest of being a hypocrite or of betraying the Church just because he is not a Saud Sheikh or a mutawe. If Priest Cutie were  Shiekh Cutie, things would have turned like hell in Saudi Arabia and the international media would have found a juicy topic to fill its empty columns!

Thousands of ridiculous, tragic, and horrifying occurrences happen all over the world, but no one lays the blame on Christianity or Judaism. No one blames corruption or lack of morals in these societies; nevertheless, when it happens in Saudi Arabia, the blame is on Islam and its principles and on terrorism-oriented Saudi curricula. Vice is everywhere in the world, and so is virtue. The difference is that people see vice in Saudi Arabia but fail to see virtue in it; they find excuses for vice in any country except Saudi Arabia. The international media highlights and publicizes table etiquette practices in a small village in France, but expects and demands an ignorant, poor, illiterate Saudi teenager  to be a living symbol of honesty, courtesy, and virtue.

Why is it that when things happen in Saudi Arabia, they are always overrated, over generalized, and exaggerated?

Maha